Graduation is almost here-for Ryan, only about 1 week-and a new blank page starts for us.
I can't help but to be overwhelmed, scared, excited, anxious about the future. So I've been pondering, reflecting, trying to gather my thoughts and emotions into something that somehow makes sense.
I always prefer to know where I'm going, what the next step will be. For me, I've accomplished this by letting Ryan make the decisions and following. (Don't make me make the decision, but let me happily follow....well, usually...Can I get an "Amen," wives?!!)
But now it seems it's my turn to take the first step, and that's got me a bit exasperated. I am presented with an endless sea of options, but I am that person who doesn't want to make the decision for fear I'll make the wrong decision.
SBU has ended its chapter in our lives, and I find myself struggling with the reality that it will soon all be over. SBU-our friends, the basketball games, Homecoming, bonfires, chapel, the teachers, Wheeler Science Center, the black squirrels on the sidewalk clenching acorns in their tiny fists, the community-everything that makes this place so special and close to my heart-will cease. Granted, the memories will stay with me forever, but I'll never have this time back.
Last night, I went to the SHANE and SHANE Christmas concert (awesome-look them up) at SBU, and I once again found myself pondering, reminiscing about my time at SBU. Had I taken it all for granted?
Growing up in a Christian home, a Christian school, the Church had left me determined to live beyond the "bubble," to never become the legalistic, judgmental, self-righteous, hypocritical "Christian" I had so many a time run into and myself been. And then I found myself at SBU, Southwest Baptist University. Great, here we go again....
I can honestly attribute who I am today to SBU. I know we all change with the seasons in our lives, but something about me will always be becasue of SBU. I saw the side of Christianity here that I wanted to be a part of (Yes, I saw the other side too....stay away from Redford majors....), and I was impacted in a refreshing way. I am still seeking, trying to figure out life (Who EVER does???!!), trying to put the pieces together in a way I can know is on the right path.
I've made mistakes here; I've grown; I've learned from my experiences. So I know although this chapter-SBU-has been written, it's pages are written on my heart.
I know things change; I will change. But realizing how powerful this experience at SBU has been only leaves me grateful and hopeful for the future orchestrated ahead.
2 comments:
Well said.
I pray that grace may abound for you and that hope will spring from unexpected places.
Life is so much easier if we can have a plan to rely on to fall back on; it is much more difficult and faith building to wander in the desert of the unknown. However, God has an uncanny habit of showing up in the desert; I suppose that is because we are taken off of autopilot and are subjected to relying on something beyond ourselves.
It is wonderful to see the bright and beautiful woman that you have developed into, and as a "stand-in" sister, I can whole heartedly say that I am proud of you and can't wait to see the places that you will go and the lives that you will touch.
Can't wait to see you at Christmas and give you a big squeeze.
Love and holiday cheer!
And remember take deep breaths often and enjoy every moment. :)
Sister, this is a beautiful piece. Shawn and I are thrilled for you and Ryan and blessed to have gotten to go to Bolivar a few times while you've lived there. I know how much your time there has meant to you. For me, life changes come with a bittersweetness and I often wonder if I can handle the emotional toll that entails...but I manage through, and am left to experience the glory in each phase of life. We are blessed to see, hear, think, and feel. Blessed to have the cognitive ability to make decisions for ourselves. Blessed to live in a country that provides opportunities for education and the pursuit of our dreams.
I love you forever, my dear. And hey, it's ok to make mistakes!
Mind
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